Monday, December 31, 2012

2013 Or Bust

Hey everybody! Did you enjoy your holiday festivities? Are you still on vacation? Lucky! Some of us had to go straight back to work for our personal Scrooges. Personally, I'd prefer the Scrooged version. How awesome would it be to work for an 80s yuppie Bill Murray? Sure he'd abuse his power and unleash a flurry of personal insults just for the hell of it, but somehow it would still be in an irresistibly lovable and hilarious way!

All hail the Murray hair

Or even the Muppet Christmas Carol version, because who wouldn't want to hang with Sir Michael Caine and the Muppets?!

Fun fact: Michael Caine was born Maurice Joseph Micklewhite but adopted the stage name Caine from The Caine Mutiny, starring Humphrey Bogart. And thus, badassery begat badassery.

Whether you're sitting back in the office or still laying on the couch digesting a metric ton of holiday sweets, now comes the season of the inevitable New Year's resolutions. Now I know some of you are tired of the stigma that comes with New Year's resolutions. "UGH! It's so stupid! I don't do that crap because I know I won't do any of them! OMGWTFBBQ!" Well, while you sit atop your high and mighty throne of childish pouting (which is partly what the internet was built for, of course), I will be making an honest attempt at a few minor things I'd like to make happen this coming year.

Perhaps it's a small sign of maturity, (no worries, fart jokes still amuse me) but I feel now more than ever that it's important to set even small goals for yourself to avoid stagnation in life. Unless your goal is to be stagnant. Then by all means, disregard all this unsolicited advice, plant your ass on the couch, and enjoy that shit! (You'll have plenty of time to listen to more Getting Off Topic! Yay!) Also, setting goals doesn't have to mean the same old stereotypical preaching about going to the gym and getting off your ass! Maybe your goal is to write more, or read more books, or finally beat that game that made you throw your Xbox controller across the room last month.

"So what are YOUR goals, Mr. Fancy Pants Know-It-All" you ask? (Maybe you asked, preferably out loud in front of people so it's extra awkward) Well, I have a few:

1) Consistently be productive

This is a generic one, and I already sorta started it with the podcast and blog. Still, I'd like to keep it on my list as a reminder. Getting Off Topic is definitely a good way to force myself to do something creatively each week. Every Sunday, we record. Then, as time allows over the next day or so, I edit, and out into the world it goes. Simple enough. Even if no one bothered to listen, I'm drilling my brain with the notion that I am demanding it to produce something each week. It's small, and usually filled with mindless babble, but we're having a blast. And even if we never get a single penny out of it, doing something consistently creates good habits which we (and you!) can apply to other goals and projects. Which leads me to...

2) Complete one script

Or story of any kind, but most likely a script, as I tend to think in movie format most of the time. This coming from a guy who has obnoxiously declared to his friends and family that he has wanted to make movies since he was about 15 years old. Here I sit, 27, and have only ever completed two short film scripts. I've started about a million. Finished very few. Not proud of it, but there it is. That said, my goal is to extend my new-found "consistent creativity" habits toward finishing my current project. I don't want to say too much, but it's a sort of sci-fi/action/comedy, which will either be fleshed out as a full-length feature or a short web series. Not sure yet. But finishing is the goal.

Every writing advice column/article/whatever I have ever read at some point boils down to the same no-brainer logic: Write every day. Or at least, write consistently. You could look at it just like trying to stick to a workout routine. If you're doing it half-assed, maybe once every two weeks when you feel like it, you're never going to drop those pounds or get those muscles or whatever your goal may be. Consistency is key. If I don't push myself to keep at it every week, I'll never be an award-winning screenwriter/novelist/etc. ...Unless I just crap out one god-awful trashy Fifty Shades-esque sex book with horrible dialogue, child-like character development and repetitive, laughable descriptions of a lady boner.

Me discovering that "my inner goddess" is repeated 58 times in this book.

One more, just for fun...

And finally we come to number 3...

3) Stay in shape / be healthy in general

I know, I know. I wasn't going to put the stereotypical "go to the gym" resolution on here. But I'm probably not going to go to the gym. My main goals this year are still about keeping on track with the creative stuff. What I'd also like to do though, is just maintain a somewhat healthier lifestyle. No huge life-changing workout plans, no paleo diets. Just more greens in my everyday eating habits, a little less bread (I barely eat it anyway as of late), and a simple at-home workout to do in my spare time.

One of the few times I stuck to a workout schedule in my life was during the summer break right before senior year of high school. And I did it out of sheer boredom. Every week night, I'd sit in front of the TV for a 2-hour block of Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns. So I decided that if I was going to kill time loafing around every night, I might as well multi-task. So while I watched Star Trek, I got in the habit of doing a quick set of crunches, push-ups and lifting hand weights. I just started when Star Trek started, did as much as I could possibly do, and stopped when I was exhausted. That was pretty much it. As simpleton as a workout can get.

A professional trainer might look at this and say, "You didn't even track how many reps you did?", "What about cardio?!", "This is stupid! HULK SMASH!" Nope, didn't do any of that. My goal wasn't a fitness make-over. I just figured I'd do something constructive while watching Star Trek, and guess what? I started senior year in the best shape of my life. I was actually a Tony with abs. Gasp! Not that I've ever had a weight problem, but what I have would definitely resemble more mush than chiseled stone.

The point I'm trying to make is that whether you have huge, lofty goals or not, it's a lot of the small corrections that make the difference. You'd be surprised how changing the small habits of your every day can make a big difference down the road in many facets of your life. And just in case you're starting to get that awkward feeling in your brain that this comedy blog has taken a turn for the touchy-feely, here is a video of Mr. Rogers joyously giving small children the finger:

Happy New Year, everybody! And if you plan on drinking yourself into oblivion tonight, PLEASE be safe and find a designated driver. Or better yet, call AAA! They have a complimentary Tipsy Tow service every New Year's Eve and Fourth of July for your drunk ass. You don't even have to be a member! See the details here:

1 comment:

  1. Just thought Id comment that we are now the 2nd highest search for Getting Off topic on Google.