Friday, December 21, 2012

Launch(pad McQuack)

Merry Christmas, everyone! Yes, I'm saying Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays. You are too sensitive, America. You and your separate "Christmas" and "Holiday" Starbucks coffee roasts. They're the exact same beans in different packages, and they both taste like dirt anyway! Okay, okay fine. Happy Christmahanakwanzika, everybody! ...And to Jehovah's Witnesses who don't celebrate anything this time of year, well... hope you're having a decent month.

Shnazzy multi-cultural holiday logo by Bill Bennett

Welcome to the official launch of the Getting Off Topic blog. [insert annoying party horn sound effect] As you can see, it's a bit of a fixer-upper, but we can't afford to pay knowledgeable minions to do our bidding yet, and the last time I attempted to create a personal website was sometime around the glory days of such fabled services as GeoCities, Angelfire, Homestead and Xanga. ...I may or may not have had one of each. MUST HAVE SEIZURE-INDUCING FLASHING/SCROLLING TEXT! DANCING HAMSTER GIFs EVERYWHERE! MIDI MUSIC WITH NO STOP BUTTON! (MANIACAL LAUGH)

In these final days leading up to our assorted festivities, we at Getting Off Topic hope that we can provide some comfort and laughs to put your mind at ease as you feverishly drive around town, battling the drooling hordes of your fellow last-minute shoppers and ruing every moment you told yourself "There's still plenty of time!" Oh, you damned pitiful fool.

So cinch up your crazed soccer mom stomping boots, slip on your designer touchscreen gloves so you can stay warm and still whine on Facebook about how long the checkout lines are, AND download the latest episodes of the Getting Off Topic podcast! While listening, you will attain Keanu-Reeves-in-the-Matrix levels of focus and clarity. Soon you will be able to dodge shopping carts, squeeze through crowded aisles, and pull some sweet parkour moves over the other consumer zombies. Just don't wear those Vibram toe shoe things... those freak me the hell out.

December insanity aside, all future episodes of the podcast will be available here for download. (First three you can find here, here and here) You can also subscribe through iTunes, and you will be guaranteed to always have fresh goodness to put in your earholes!

All right, I've wasted enough of your time. Plus, after seeing The Hobbit this week, I'm re-watching Lord of the Rings and I want to pay attention.


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